Declaration of Independence

Dr. Sara Joy David, Downtown Psychologist

This is a piece written and shared by a client who had toxic parents and a toxic brother. She is en-route to FREEDOM and is sharing this with my support and gratitude for a grandchild to be born, a daughter who may break the generational pattern along with her mother. May all of you use it to declare your independence. May you open the doors of your heart to kindred spirits ONLY. May I remind you to fall asleep every evening to the following objective and intention:

LET ME DO WHAT IS RIGHT
FOR THE RIGHT REASON
AT THE RIGHT TIME
IN THE RIGHT WAY
WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE

Let me be whole, cleared and empowered
Let me inspire others to be healed and empowered
Let us be in our JOY

Declaration of Independence

“There is no right way to deal with a toxic person in your life.  If you put up with them, they will play cat and mouse with you and reduce you to nothing.  After a while, they will come back for more.  If you confront them with their awful behaviour, they will deny it and come after you with a vengeance.  They are driven to distraction by the boredom and dissatisfaction of their own lives, so they look for a handy scapegoat, you.  They will never admit the truth or their responsibility for the hell they inflict on the people around them.

Here is the story of how I dealt with a toxic member of my family.  He looked charming on the outside, but on the inside, he was a liar, a manipulator and a predator, and he would do everything in his power to destroy me, while smiling sweetly and denying his evil intentions.  He used enticement and entrapment, luring me in, only to exaggerate my weaknesses and failures while downplaying my strengths and successes.  There was no connection, empathy or encouragement coming from him. Instead, he was controlling, rude, oppositional, adversarial and disloyal.

He was running a campaign against me of gas-lighting, shaming, blaming, confusion and escalation.  I sensed as I had so many times before, that he was building up to my ultimate humiliation and character assassination, his satisfaction, in front of the family, and that there would be no escape.  In spite of this, I managed to get away. He was infuriated and could not hide his frustration, so he continued the rudeness and harassment for many more months. Finally, I had no choice but to let him go.

I didn’t commit a heinous crime, and nobody died.  I just disengaged from his ugly mind games and I have no regrets.  I have no fantasies, illusions or false hopes regarding the future, and I’m not feeling sentimental about the horrible times I had with him in the past.  I don’t need to have what he has or go where he goes to be happy. I can find peace and tranquility within myself wherever I am and I always have.”